ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
