I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
