And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
