I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
