Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
