I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
