Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
