very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
