good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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