Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
