actually, I'm a sock model
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
