Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
