I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
