Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
