I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
