the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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