Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
