The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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