I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
