I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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