Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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