You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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