he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
