Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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