I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
