Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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