Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
