i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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