can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
