I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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