Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
