I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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