You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
