If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
