U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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