It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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