There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
