I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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