it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
