i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
