So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
