I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
