all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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