hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
