If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
