this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so let's talk penis.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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