The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
