I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My pussy is not your playground.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
