you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
