Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
