My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
