I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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