I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
