So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
