i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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